Depths of Motherhood

Six months of finding the answer and why nothing else in life feels quite the same anymore.

My bud

When you become a mother, the joy, rush, love, touch, wonder, jitters, and so many unnamed feelings wrap around you so tightly—it just moves you to tears. For the

longest time, I felt this love so deeply. And it came out at the worst times. It was hormones, sure, but it was equal parts joyous and painful. And words always fell short. I would often take deep breaths just to keep it down. But lately, I’ve come to see why no other emotion comes close and only a mother can truly know it.

Because you’ve seen a miracle.

I grew up in a city but under the shade of Gulmohar trees with frequent visits from peacocks and Indian langurs. With a total of 267 plants in my house( yes I counted), I was always intrigued and felt joy with every new leaf, bud and flowers coming through. The wonder of planting a seed, days spent watering the plant and nurturing it. And the thrill of a new leaf unfolding and watching it grow over the next few days. Oh! Experiencing nature’s quiet magic. I’d leap with joy, share the news like it was gold. Though we’d rummage the garden while playing but the excitement of something being created in front of my eyes was definitely felt like magic. I was very young when I experienced this and it left an impinge. Only the first time, after that it became a way of life.

That’s what it’s like—only now, the leaf is a child. A living being, shaped like you, smiling back when you love. That simple joy, now multiplied a thousand times, is what a mother feels every day. I could say infinity, but 1000-fold gives you the glimpse. We’ve felt nature move inside us. And the miracle it made stepped out of us. There’s nothing more personal. More real. As first time mom and who feels intensely—truly, this shook every part of me.

And somewhere I needed validation from nature itself that come what weather we will sway, nurture but in the end withstand all weathers. Rudra is a toddler now. He is growing and unravelling his naughty traits, and I’m all for it. But I had to write this down—so I never forget—

This is a miracle. I am walking through magic.

Always grateful,

June